🔗 Share this article

This year marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This signifies going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions validate your decision to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {