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I have been friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered several challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her husband left her, which came as an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances disappeared during that time, because they seemed only interested in the spouse. It shocked her. She put in more effort toward our bond, probably understood more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many of her friends have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been an excellent employee, and she left unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us retired leading to more each other more, but I am finding the part I play between us is as the audience. I open subjects but she shifts the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she has strong opinions. I attempt to recommend double-checking information and alternate views.

She is planning a trip to a country I've visited many times even called home for some time. I attempted to provide personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She really just desired validation of her decisions. I have ended a month there and she wants to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can comprehend the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be based on facts and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to express how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement on this point. What you feel are valid, after all. Step three is to question how the two of you going to change the dynamics between you."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to acknowledge it. One effective method involves stating her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss all you say, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a narrative about themselves they cannot release since their identity relies on it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may start out this way before reflecting on your words. And should you never reach an agreement, you'll have closure from having been honest with her.