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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?